and anyway. i dont know what was wrong with me.. my hands and legs are covered with red marks looking like rashes.. its scary. seriously. cos its my very first time experiencing this situation. and im trying my very best to remain very very calm.. it started last night. and i thought maybe i was just allergic to dust or some food. and it might just go away after a night's sleep. but i woke up the next morning seeing it getting worse. and im really panicking.. i went to the doctor's in the afternoon and due to some of the symptoms i have, it's suspected that i am down with dengue fever.. can u imagine!!! dengue fever! there were like so many news reports on how dengue can actually kill someone and now im told that i might be down with it?! but the doctor sound as though dengue is nothing. so i suppose it must be nothing much.. i hope. and because today is sunday when i visit the doc's, consultation fee is DAMN high and. the doctor to actually take my blood test is not in. and im supposed to come back the next day to take my blood test. if im really down with it i guess by tml i would have alr been half dead. but since im feeling okie so doctor feels its safe for me to go and come again the next day. and.. when i proceed to the cashier, she told me at first consultation fee is $34.. and for the BLAH BLAH BLAH thing which adds up to $66. FULLSTOP. and den. she start again. "so total will be $107. paying by cash/nets?" i got a shock of my life man. gdi. its my FIRST time visiting the doc for a consultation and test which costs me SOOOO much! but nonetheless i hope the report tml will give me negative results. means. no dengue. jus normal wadever illness. im really scared la. and ive got really ugly legs now. so i have to wear long bottoms these few days. which makes it seem as though im going according to the rules now. wearing long bottoms and covered shoes to work. oh wells. maybe this is the chance to let me get used to wearing them. damn!

some people just dun appreciate it.. maybe i just am not good enough for you. and i know i never will. i will just be the normal me and joke with you, play with you, be there for you whenever u need me to. but i'll never put u into a difficult situation where u'll start to avoid me or drift away from me.. if saying things out will affect everything now, i'd rather things remain these way as im really happy enough now. like what i've said, so much so dat i wanted to let go and forget, equally same amount that i cant do it. and i dun bear to, i dun wan to. i chose to keep the memories with me. and to make people happy. =) not just you. but everyone i love. =D