Thursday, September 04, 2008

sometimes i really wish i might as well just die. haha. i know this sounds ridiculous. but seriously. its probably the only way where i can not bother and be troubled about the things around me. it's hard being in between, it's really hard. friends, family, work, studies, play. maybe there are really alot of things that ive always kept to myself.. not because i dont want anyone to know. its just because i dont know who to tell to. and soemtimes. even the smallest things that after saying out, might turn into a big thing.. just this reason alone.. makes me keep quiet.. i chose to protect all situations. all people. in certain circumstances. i tried to make things better.. i tried to find solutions. i failed in everything. how sad. hah. is this just a small stepping stone i will be encountering? or is this a stone that will block alot of my way in the near future? i hope god can help me get it away.. i wish for someone who can lighten my burdens. my troubles. but it seems i still have to complete this myself. its hard not to relate some things to certain things. cos after all. it all links together. i dont have a good memory. which is why sometimes i end up making people upset too. i dont have a good problem solving mind. which is why i always end up crying first instead of thinking of solutions first. if my life is a board game, i would have thrown the dice so that i will walk past the obstacle and jump through problems after solving them in a glance. and if life is a puzzle, i wish i could fix it to perfection. or even near perfection. even if a piece is missing, i know the piece is not a good one thats why it went missing. even so, my life would still be a perfect piece cos the bad one is not in the picture..

i need strength.

what we could have been, 2:26 AM.